Dishu's Xanga

Irrational

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 02:16:12 GMT

The one thing my heart and mind have in common is how irrational they can be. Irrational thoughts, and irrational emotions.

Sometimes the people closest to you are the ones that don't recognize how hard you go for them. And just them alone. True disappointment.

When You Try Hard

Wed, 27 May 2009 06:03:33 GMT

Its when you die hard.

At least thats how Kanye puts it.

Sometimes when you don't care is better then actually caring. If anything I've cared all too much in my life. The problem is when you care about things you can't control. And there are lots of things I can't control.

I am tired...

The Disconnect

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 08:21:53 GMT

Today has been a frustrating day. I realized awhile ago that I along with many of my other friends are simply NGs. Nice Guys for the unknowing. I have grown tired of it to be honest. It feels like a fruitless attempt to breathe life back into chivalry. Its also frustrating when things fall apart around you, especially the people you spend time with. When you start losing those people how do you fill those gaps? I hate this situation I am in, I feel as if I am playing with another person's cards, which is unfair but thats just how life is. I can't be upset though I mean I am the one who is ultimately deciding to remain in the situation that I am in. It sucks when you try really hard to do things and cheer somebody up but it doesn't really do anything, but they are willing to seem more open with other people it honestly makes you wonder what you did wrong. At the same time you need to take a drink of sobriety and try to understand that person is simply just being honest with you and showing you that they aren't where they want to be, so at the end of the day you just have to put up with the situation. Maybe thats why I am staying up sitting on your bed to show you that I got your back and that I understand that today has been a rough day, and I guess its cool that you don't recognize that since you usually do an amazing job of recognizing me.

What I have come to realize that the best way to live life to be nearly satisifed with every situation is to expect nothing from anybody. Expect to be let down at every turn and that all your individual efforts will be neglected by even the people that are the closest to you. Once you've been let down enough you come to accept that is fact, and that everybody will let you down one way or the other. So if you don't expect anything you can't be let down thus maintaining some level of consistency. Now only if I could take my own damn advice.

Let me know
Do I still got time to grow?
Things ain't always set in stone
That being known let me know
Let me

Seems like street lights glowing
Happen to be just like moments passing in front of me
So I hopped in the cab and
I paid my fares
See I know my destination
But I'm just not there

All the streetlights glowing
Happen to be
Just like moments passing
In front of me
So I hopped in the cab and
I paid my fare
See I know my destination
But I'm just not there

In the streets... In the streets
I'm just not there
In the streets
I'm just not there
Life's just not fair

Seems like street lights glowing
Happen to be just like moments passing in front of me
So I hopped in the cab and
I paid my fares
See I know my destination
But I'm just not there

All the streetlights glowing
Happen to be
Just like moments passing
In front of me
So I hopped in the cab and
I paid my fare
See I know my destination
But I'm just not there

All the streetlights glowing
Happen to be
Just like moments passing
In front of me
So I hopped in the cab and
I paid my fare
See I know my destination
But I'm just not there

In the streets... In the streets
I'm just not there
In the streets
I'm just not there
Life's just not fair

Far From Perfect

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 02:08:59 GMT

"Imperfection is inherited, therefore we all sin, but fighting the war of sin is the greatest war of all because we all die in the end no matter how hard we fight."

I hate finals week. Long days turn into longer nights where all anybody really wants to do is retain enough information to get them through the next test. As much as I think about it, there is no point in trying to be perfect. Sometimes its hard to even entertain the thought that we were created from some kind of greater being since we are so fucked up to begin with. That being said, I can't bother with trying to be perfect or searching for perfection in other people. You have to find something that is close to what is perfection because to be realistic about the situation, nobody is perfect. I am exhausted of thinking about meticulously thinking through every situation, I mean shit our government doesn't do that and puts us in a fucked up situation so why bother thinking about things with such focus? Sometimes I rather just go with what I feel in my heart, but its become hard to trust that mother fucker. I despise his indecisive nature. Great my hand is falling asleep and my fingers are getting numb. Nothing lasts forever, but I hope it comes close. I really wish I was more patient with everything.

And if I die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take
But please don't cry, just know that I have made these songs for you
And if I die before I wake I pray the lord my soul to take
'cuz I'm ready for a funeral

Salt on an Open Wound

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 06:56:16 GMT

Too much going on in my life. I think I'll just be posting pictures from now on.

HelloGoodbye

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 08:10:02 GMT

I feel out of sync right now. There is a lot on my mind I should say, but I don't know what I wanna get out there right now. My biggest concern right now is the three papers I need to write by the end of the quarter. Usually, this wouldn't be an issue since I would be handling business, but right now I feel pretty laggy and have been dealing with life issues on a day-to-day basis. My knee is bummy right now, fucking snowboarding completely trashed me. Definitely a fun experience that must be done again no doubt. Basketball no longer feels the same anymore. It seems like everybody and their mom wants to carry the fucking team. Too much hero-complex type bullshit going on. I miss playing with my close friends since there we knew what we each had to do to get the W. It wasn't simple, but it wasn't super complex either. I feel ridiciously disconnected. Today hasn't been a good day. I am glad it is over. I need a restart and hopefully some new perspective on things. I dunno/don't care. HelloGoodbye for now I suppose.

Walcott

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 18:56:27 GMT

Walcott,
Don't you know
That it's insane?
Don't you want to
Get out of Cape Cod?
Out of Cape Cod tonight?

I Need a Manuel

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 05:32:41 GMT

I wish there were directions to burying the past and learning from it. I guess this is something I have to learn on my own.

Who wants to be right as rain?

Can't Sleep

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 09:34:46 GMT

I can't explain the reason why I can't sleep the night before a flight. Maybe I am excited or something. Or it could be all the thoughts I have before I leave a place I really can't put my finger on it all too well. To be honest I am glad Christmas and the holiday season is over. For whatever reason it always seems like this time of year becomes the time of year people should be with their significant others more then any other time. What bothers me are the thoughts that I have, the ones that manage to slip into my brain and keep me up at odd hours of the night. My thoughts are extremely illogical that's for sure. It bothers me when I think of you to be honest. I really wish I could bury the hatchet and not have to dig it back up to look at it, but instead it really just comes up out of the grave on its own. I've made peace with the notion that this is going to happen and these thoughts are going to occur regardless of how inane and illogical they truly are. I have come to learn that "venting" or speaking about our issues really doesn't really solve anything, but I think if I had kept this inside then I would have gone crazy. A change of scenery would be nice, a vacation to some where far from here sounds really good right about now. I really wish that I had more time to spend with my friends and for us to be able to simply just talk over coffee or something of that nature. That would have been nice. This might be the last time I see So Cal for a really long time. I will surely miss it.

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

Dammit

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 08:27:10 GMT

I don't have anything different to say... not yet anyway...

And it'll happen once again
You'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands
And sees through the master plan

But everybody's gone
And you've been there for too long
To face this on your own
Well I guess this is growing up